Can I Tap That?

Model Andy, Photography by Jazmine.

-Can I tap that?

-Don’t look at me like that Dr. Hops it was a “haha”

-Buddy over there ordered his beer on tap too; bet you didn’t give him that disconcerting look painted with the conundrum of either smacking him or ignoring him to the essence of a wall.

-Well I am ordering tap beer because EVERYONE knows it is WAY better than bottles beer

-Really? Obviously it is. Buddy there is most likely German given his accent, his pint of Spaten Pilsner and the fact that he most likely didn’t tip you.

-Of course him being German means he knows, I mean they have Weihenstephaner and Hacker-Pschor: they were brewing beers before Earth became round.

-Of course I know why tap beer is better.

-Um

-Hold on Dr. Hops I am gathering my thoughts.

…

-No I am not googling it on my phone, I am checking my Newsfeed.

Photography by Jazmine

-The key lies in breathing my friend, kinda like with oxygen and wine just that beer is a badass chemist that is propelled by CO2 from the Keg and into a nice cold glass. This is obviously that magic the magic behind getting great head.

-Sorry Dr Hops, forgot you were 100 years old and still get turned on by women’s ankles.

-Anyway as I was saying: The head on the beer is vital in preserving the aroma and flavors

-Um…lets see

-God Damn it Dr Hops, No, I am not googling this. Just forgot to check myself in. Trying to make you popular. Not really social of you working all night. OMG are you a vampire?

-I do not read Twilight!

Photography by Jazmine

-But now that I am on the subject, you know who might also be a vampire? BEERS! Think about it. That’s why most beer bottles are either dark amber, brown, or dark green and why Corona sucks so much. It all comes down to evading the Sun. Hence in Kegs the beer is fully armored with copper, aluminum, or steel from his arch-nemesis, UV Light, hence the beer is less likely to spoil and is much fresher. They also best left cold, which is only possible in kegs where the beer is kept brrr-ed until it splashes onto your glass ready to be quaffed. That fact that it stays cold the whole time it keeps germs from growing. Versus bottled or canned beer that is bipolared between being boiled to annihilate bacteria in preparation for its future room-temperature travels to being cold when it arrives to its renting refrigerating summer home.

-Hey, hey Dr hops so Charles Bamforth walks into a bar with 50 beers on tap, what does he order?

-He orders a bottle…hahahaha

-Yes, I DO understand the joke

-No I am not googling it, jeez! I happen to be very popular: got notifications growing faster than our deficit.

-The issue that sometimes arises from ordering a beer on tap is that some bars, unfortunately, do not properly clean the lines on a regular bases. You also need to sterilize the tap on a daily basis after closing the bar for the night.

-Since I trust you with my beer Dr. Hops, let me tap that Franziskaner Hefe-Weisse since everyone knows that Hefeweizens are alwys better on draft…

 

 

 

Photography by Jazmine